Caroline ‘Complimentary’ Williams – Hell has a special place set aside for the likes of you.

It really isn’t fair. You can’t just wander around dispensing one-way tickets to crapulency when you know – you know – that some of us lack the self-control to say no. And it’s the height of recklessness to do so after we’d gotten all hyped up by the extraordinary Noche Flamenca. I mean, how’s a person so induced to inebriety not supposed to offer his very own tipsy pastiche of the bracing heel work, severe poses and percussive drama just enjoyed?

To understand exactly what I mean, please watch that youtube clip of Soledad Barrio et al here.

Done? Good. Now imagine all that performed by a distinctly rhythmless Irish person. In a pair of soft-soled shoes. On the quays. And no matter how vivid your imagination, I guarantee the reality was ten times as tragic. Seriously, I had to call the guards on him, it was that bad.

Yes, Ms Williams, by your willful malfeasance you have earned yourself a sorry end. A sorry end indeed.

I only wish we could do it all over again. Oh well. Here’s to next year.

¡Olé!